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Experiencing refusal, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is declining your work, giving a clear “No.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I began submitting articles 50 years back, upon college graduation. From that point, I have had multiple books declined, along with article pitches and many short stories. Over the past 20 years, specializing in commentary, the rejections have grown more frequent. On average, I get a rejection frequently—adding up to over 100 each year. In total, denials throughout my life exceed a thousand. Today, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying tirade? Far from it. Because, now, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished It?

Some context: At this point, almost every person and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my acceptance statistics—doing so would be very discouraging.

A case in point: not long ago, a newspaper editor nixed 20 submissions consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses vetoed my memoir proposal before one approved it. Later on, 25 literary agents declined a book pitch. An editor suggested that I submit articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, all rejections hurt. I took them personally. I believed my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? How could they be overlook my talent?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the mistake? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? You’re stupid and your publication is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at them, followed by frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably seasoned with optimism). What does it require you to see me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I lack skill. Worse, I’ll never be accomplished.

This continued for decades.

Excellent Company

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Accounts of authors whose books was originally rejected are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. If they could overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. Most American leaders over the recent history had previously lost races. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his script for Rocky and desire to star were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as an alarm to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Later, upon arriving at my senior age, I reached the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I better understand the multiple factors why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or have something underway, or simply be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or standing to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the business for the content I am submitting. Maybe was busy and read my work hastily to appreciate its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Any work can be declined, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Additional reasons are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and impact, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or an aspect about my grammar, notably semicolons, was unacceptable.

The point is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve published multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, my second, a autobiography, at 65—and more than a thousand pieces. These works have featured in magazines large and small, in local, national and global sources. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

Yet, no bestsellers, no book signings in bookshops, no appearances on TV programs, no speeches, no honors, no big awards, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily take no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have softened the stings of my setbacks. I can afford to be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be educational, but when you listen to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial incorrectly. So what teachings have I acquired?

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